Widgets Magazine

Oct 25, 2012

This is Why - With a Little Help from Bossy

My precious tiny Scout (2005)
I sat down at my computer earlier, all set to write you a nice post to read when you get up in the morning. As usual, I checked my stats and read my comments. A couple of them needed moderation, so I pulled them up. I was a bit surprised by the first one when somebody asked me what my sweetie did for a living (he's an Electronics Design Engineer), but the second one had me stand up and walk away...

It was on my "Ask Me" page and Maria phrased it like this, "Why????...Seriously Why???"

That was it. No explanation or anything. That left me to assume that her question was directly related to the fact that we have chosen to have 12 children. Well, like any sane person, I sat for a moment in stunned silence. Then I called Teach in to have her read it too. She said, "You can just delete it, Mom." So I did. One push of a key and it was gone.

But not forgotten. I went upstairs, fully intending to go to bed without posting. In the almost two years I have been blogging with nearly 600 posts I have only had one other person say something negative and yeah, I felt bad. I got undressed for bed, but I couldn't shut off the hurt so I climbed in a hot shower. As I inched the water temperature higher and higher, I thought about all the ways I could answer this particular question.

Since the question was so brief and mostly anonymous with no link-back, I could only assume that this was intended as an attack so immediately my defenses were up. I don't like being judged. Last spring a reporter from the Deseret News called me for my opinion on the Ann Romney debacle. Since the reporter and I had visited before and she knew we were all about family, she wanted to know what I thought. I was happy to give my opinion over the phone and it was over.

Kisses from Baby Teach (1991)
The next morning there was a nice write up with several quotes from me that supported motherhood in general. Later that day I pulled up the story on the internet. Bossy had already warned me not to look at the comment board, but I just couldn't resist. It was full of all kinds of negative statements. The two that stand out in my mind were when one reader called me a "baby factory," and another that suggested that my husband needed to put a knot in his ....  (Sorry, this is a family-friendly blog!) You get the idea.

I was hurt and wounded. Our family size had nothing to do with my comments or the article, but we were in a direct line of attack. Bossy has a difficult time with unfairness and she just couldn't let it go. She wrote a wonderful response and put it out for everyone to see. I apologize if it is a bit over the top from the comment I received. Maria was certainly not questioning our ability to take care of the kids, but I thought it was so good I made a copy so I could read it now and again.

I want to share it with you.

From Bossy:
Baby Bossy...who knew?
Her children are active in school service and participation. The school-aged children enter in every single Reflections category each and every year. Her third and fourth daughters are education majors (graduated now) and will be teaching full-time this fall. She volunteers for each child's classroom and contributes more to her local PTA efforts than most. She is raising twelve civic-minded citizens that get out and vote in every election and participate in the local caucus. She encourages respectful family debate of political candidates before each election and respects when her children disagree and vote opposite of her. She finished her Master's Degree with two small children and a little assistance, but after that she has worked sometimes three jobs to support and pay for her growing family. Her husband is highly-respected in his field and often contracted by major hardware design companies to present on their products and write books and papers. They do not rely on any government assistance. As their oldest child, I am proud to be enriching the planet because of my parents. My parents' choice in number of children has nothing to do with you and yours. If you are so strongly against individual's rights to procreate, may I suggest moving to China? A large family can leave a large legacy, and absolutely as they all become college graduates with middle class incomes, she will be contributing much more in property taxes, social security, and other government programs you falsely claim they are leaching. A great legacy indeed.

Thanks for sticking with me. I know that we don't all have the same values and goals and dreams. But that doesn't really matter, does it? We can still be friends...even if you move to China. That's the beauty of the internet, and of blogging.



Dog-Walker said...

That's very sad to hear people judge negatively about you, just like they judge negatively about Justin Bieber.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Way to go Bossy, that letter is amazing. So sorry that people have to be so rude. Some people just can't stop bullying and remain little in their minds.

Marci said...

This makes me angry for you. I don't really know you but I feel like I do, and I think it's EXCELLENT that you have all the kids you do. I couldn't picture your family without any of them, they each have their role. I LOVE Bossy's response. You are raising incredible children who contribute to society. You are teaching them to be self reliant (I've never seen so much canning before!!) which is a rare thing in this world. Way to go, Sandy! I am proud to call you my friend, and I do call you my friend. I talk about you and your family to my mom and I always say "you know my friend Sandy" and she totally knows who I am talking about!

And Dog-walker is right. People do judge Justin Bieber unfairly and that isn't cool.

Anonymous said...

I think the comment heartless, it is one thing to give an opinion but heartless no no and more no...You and your hubby and sweet 12 children contribute more than many where I volunteer with only one child grown up no less and those who are in the uber rich who just donate checks, it is easy to write out a check.How about cooking, roasting, baking and cleaning and babysitting little ones while their parents and grandparents grab a bite of food that would not be possible without the love and kindness of a minister and his wife the church I don't belong to but am called to help and serve..You are an outstanding Mother and Wife too, if every child felt the love and compassion and tenderness you give to your children our juvenile justice center would not be brimming FULL, where is their Mommas and Daddys no where, I see it when I go to the place to make and serve food and care for little tiny children, it breaks my heart. I am from a huge family, lost my Mother early, Dad was devastated but my Maternal Grandmother fought for us and we got to go and be with her, she was a wonder like you are could cook most anything and make most anything, people helped her with us, she would barter for our haircuts, the dentist was kind, she looked out for us cause her oldest daughter passed from this earth to Heaven and God young..If more people really cherished their children and made them know it and disciplined them and not given them everything they looked at in a retail store we would have a better nation of young adults. Your children and your Husband are your crown jewels and you do treat your Dad pretty sweet too...God Bless you, don't mind what that thoughtless person e-mailed you, he or she is heartless and God doesn't want us to heartless to our sisters and brothers on this earth!! I read your column it upsett me, now get some good rest and know God loves you enormously and blessed you with your outstanding and lovely children..It is wonderful to read your family and your happenings, take care, happy halloween, happy holidays too..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rheanna said...

You have raised one amazing daughter! I must be a totally emotional mom because she actually made me cry!

Anonymous said...

I follow your blog regularly. I am not mormon and not much of a homemaker. I'm a female attorney who spends most of my time out of the home and doesn't get enought time with my infant daughter. That being said, I enjoy your blog. I feel you don't judge others because of their differences and I love how you always have family-centered activities going on. I think the best thing that reflects your kindness and good work is your 12 children. They seem to be healthy mentally and spiritually, and that's a reflection of your parenting skills. I would never choose to have 12 children myself but respect that you have.

Amanda said...

Sandy, I say.. WHY NOT MORE?!??!?!? You are an amazing mom, wife, and gift from God. Please, have more children so they can populate this world because we need more like them!

Mom of 12 said...

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my stuff even when I'm a bit snarky. You are all so awesome!

Nancy Face said...

I'm so sorry you were attacked. I too have been attacked online, so I get it! It's strange how deeply we are affected by such a thing - we have so many kind and supportive friends, but just ONE vicious remark can replace all the good feelings in an instant! The good news is that the hurt fades and we can move on and be just fine! :)


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