Widgets Magazine

May 15, 2011


I’m not sure why I signed my kids up for soccer…maybe I truly am a masochist at heart! We just finished our third week today and for the first time I actually saw all three soccer uniforms at the same time. Before that I wasn’t sure they actually existed. Crafty and Scout’s uniforms look the same…anyway, there really are two of them. This morning, after much turmoil and tears, we finally managed to scrape together two complete sets of cleats and pads since Crafty and Sport both had games at the same time.

After depositing them with their respective coaches, I positioned my chair right in the middle of their two fields. Thankfully, Sport was playing on the last field in his row, so I didn’t have to worry too much about foot traffic. I was by myself since my sweetie was seriously taking advantage of Free Dumpster Day by pulling out four major shrubs and one very large tree. I left Baby Doll home with Princess because I managed to sunburn her last weekend even through her stroller canopy and I took no end of crap from my neighbors at church on Sunday. So I sat in my chair and like the proverbial tennis match, I shifted my gaze from side to side so I could follow both games.

It was easy at first, Crafty was sitting out so I only had to watch Sport. He was playing defender in the back field and he was doing an amazing job!…except for one thing…about every thirty seconds he tugged on the back of his shorts. After a while, I was getting pretty embarrassed. Finally he was sent to the sidelines for a breather and a drink. He hustled over to where I was sitting. "You’re doing a great job!" I said. He smiled wide. "There’s only one thing…" His smile disappeared. I lowered my voice dramatically, "Why do you keep grabbing your butt?" I asked. "My underwear’s too big…" Then he ran off to rejoin his team.

Crafty was faring only marginally better. She kept getting subbed out with no apparent reason. When the game was finally over I confronted her coach and he apologized sheepishly. He had gotten mixed up in his rotation. For some reason, almost every girl on the team has a blonde ponytail and a blue shirt…Games over, the three of us headed home for a quick bite of lunch before I was off and running again with Scout this time. Sport begged to go, and so did Curly. I was already planning to take Baby Doll (with a hat and blanket) so the five of us headed out the door.

Parking is a joke at our soccer park, so I hefted Baby Doll, grabbed Curly’s hand and we hiked our way over to the field. I couldn’t possibly carry a chair, so we were destined to sit on the grass. Scout joined her team on the field and Curly immediately began complaining that the grass was tickling his feet. Sport had tucked a little basketball hoop complete with a ball and launcher into his clothes so I didn’t see it until we were camped on the field. He began launching his little ball onto the field, into people’s laps, and everywhere in between. Baby Doll was squirming all over, trying to get out from underneath her hat. That’s when Curly announced that he had to go to the bathroom.

I looked around, but all I saw was a teenager sitting at a table directing confused parents to the various fields. I passed the baby to Sport. "You’re going to have to hold the baby while I take Curly to the potty," I said. He grumbled a little, but stretched his arms to catch her wiggling body. I pulled myself to my feet. "Come on," I mumbled, "Let’s find out where the restrooms are." We walked over to the guy at the table. He pointed to the Rec center about a block away across grass and parking lots. We made the quick walk (it was downhill) and all the while I was lecturing Curly about going before we left, why did we even come, we were missing half the game…you get the idea. By the time we did our business, turned around and hiked back (uphill!), halftime was nearly over.

I spent the second half of the game trying to nurse Baby Doll with Curly pulling the blanket off and exposing…let’s just say this wasn’t a game of shirts and skins, but it felt like one! When the game was finally over and we were heading back to the car, Sport and Scout accidentally walked through the middle of a Flag Football game. The official dismissed them and not very nicely. By the time we got to the car, we were all grumbling…then it started to rain. And I paid good money for all this fun!


Jillybean said...

You have given me one more reason not to sign mulled up for soccer ;)
My ten year old son said he was going to invent a machine that would magically allow me to be in two places at the same time. I will have him make one for you also.

Kay said...

Thank you so much for your visit. It's always fantastic to meet another blogger. I see that having 12 children has kept you young looking. My kids were in all kinds of sports too and it really kept us hopping. It's a lot more peaceful and quiet now that we're retired, but I look back on those days and wish I could have it back again.

Stacy Q said...

Two kids are too much for me some days... I am so impressed that you're managing 12! Wahooo for you and your lovely family!!!
When Jillybean makes that machine for you, I want one for my husband. Please keep me posted!

Arkansas Patti said...

You should be CEO of General Motors the way you multitask. Yikes. Don't supposed you are ever bored.

Middle-aged Mormon Man said...

I have coached soccer for most of the past 15 years. One reason is so that I don't have to go through the very spectator tribulations that you just described.


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