Widgets Magazine

Jan 31, 2011

Church Pews

If you drive past my house in the light of day, you will notice that I have a church pew on my front porch. But that’s only half of it. I also have one in my living room! We joke about trying to teach the kids to be reverent at church by practicing at home, but really we have a church pew in our living room because it is an easy way to seat lots of people and we have lots of people! 

We found the church pews by chance or maybe by Providence. I was driving along 1300 West one bright summer morning and as I drove past the church, I noticed several dozen church pews spread out in the parking lot. Then I saw a large cardboard sign that said FREE. I picked up my cell phone and quickly called my teenage daughter. "Grab your brother, get in the truck, and get up here right away!" They thought I was crazy (as usual), but like the good, obedient children they were, they climbed in our broken down pickup and headed for the church. "Get two small (about 16 feet long) ones," I commanded into the phone. Of course I was on my way to an important appointment so I couldn’t stay and help.

*Editors Note*  Mom did not know these pews were 16 feet long.  She thought they were 9 to 12 feet long.  We had a '70 Chevy to haul the pews home in and the pews hung 8 feet out of the bed.  It was terrifying even with my big red flag I knew I was going to get pulled over. I could already see the disbelief in the cop's eyes when I tried to explain that I did not rob a church and that my mother really did want these pews for our house.

About half an hour later they showed up at the house with two dirty, smoke-filled pews. Apparently they had a fire at the church. The pews weren’t damaged, but they were covered in soot and they reeked of smoke. The pews were too long to fit in the truck bed, so they were hanging out the back with a nice red flag. We quickly unloaded them and set to work with soap and water. I had already envisioned one on our long covered front porch and I assumed the other would go on our back patio. 

When my sweetie got home, he had other ideas. It took them about an hour to angle the pew just right to get it into our living room. I believe I might have to chop it up to get it out again. But I don’t think we’ll get rid of it any time soon. It might not be working for the reverence thing, but at least we have places for everyone to sit.

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