Guest Blogger: Black Friday by Sweetie

WalMart's Checkout line

I detest standing in lines…it drives me nuts… makes me kranky…etc…  My dear wife loves a bargain. In the past that has caused some conflict on Black Friday. Luckily, my wife hates early mornings about as much as I hate standing in line, and she doesn’t like confrontations, bad manners or ugly behavior. So after she witnessed one of those ugly incidents of people fighting over an item, she has decided it’s not worth getting up early to see people be rude. So I was a bit surprised on Wednesday when she casually mentioned that she might want to go to Kohl’s Black Friday sale. I just smiled and said, “Whatever you want, Beautiful.” She’s been staying up quite late, and she would never want to get up, so why not pretend to be supportive? That’s when she hit me with “it starts at midnight so we don’t have to get up at 5…” Oh crap, shopping at midnight…she would love that! I guess I was going Black Friday shopping.

As I was looking through the ads, I spied something. I can’t tell you what because, well because ‘tis the season for secrets. Anyway it looked like a screaming deal on something I had been wishing I could find for the past few years. It was on a two-day sale, not a six-hour sale, but it was at WalMart. Having been to WalMart once on Black Friday, I knew better.   Armed with a name and description I headed to the web to find the prize on line. A quick search revealed they weren’t easy to find. There were some on Ebay for roughly 4 times what they were at WalMart. Oh the shining glimmer of hope; they were listed on walmart.com… a quick stroke of the mouse (isn’t it funny how mice and Christmas associations have changed?) and most of my hope was gone. They were currently not available at walmart.com and according to the web they were not stocked in Utah Walmart stores .  WalMart was opening at 10 PM and Kohl’s at midnight. We could quickly run up to WalMart, see if they had the one item, then drive out to Kohl’s. Three hours and I could probably be in bed shortly after 1:00 AM. It was a good plan.

As I approached WalMart, I turned to my wife and said, “I didn’t know the Sam’s Club was open.” She smiled and said, “They’re not.” So the entire WalMart and Sam’s Club parking lots were full. Frustrated people were poring out of the parking lots after vainly searching for a spot.   I should have run…given up…gone home and crawled into bed where I belonged… but just then my wife noticed there were people leaving the store with purchased items. We could follow them for a parking space and a cart! I quickly followed a basket into the Sam’s Club portion of the parking lot, but three other cars were also converging with the same idea. Then I thought I saw a space…nope just the cart return. But maybe...we were driving a little Suzuki Grand Vitara.  It was small and Sam’s Club cart returns are huge…I think I could fit. Sure enough…I had a spot!

On the way in we found a cart.  It was all going to work out ok. Two strangers warned us to turn back, but we kept on walking. Finally we worked our way around and to toys, but no sign of the prize. Desperately, I swallowed my pride and prepared to lose a man card or two and ask for help, but what I wanted were all gone. We should have just walked away then. But wait, my wife had borrowed my daughter’s sewing machine and they were a really good price. We figured the Garden Center would be faster, so we headed for that line. The line took almost two hours. I would leave about every 15 minutes to scavenge for abandoned merchandise and we did end up with a few more items.

As we pulled out of the cart return, I was glad I let my wife drive. I was too tired to think. Then I realized she wasn’t gong  home but to Kohl’s! It’s hard to believe, but Kohl’s was worse than WalMart.  The lines literally covered every major walkway in the store. We decided to stash our finds behind clothes on the clearance racks and come back later…  I thought that meant about 9:00 AM… but evidently the plan was to go back about 2:30 AM.

As we re-arrived at Kohl’s, the lines were now only covering half of the walkways…we had been lucky enough to find a cart… we retrieved our hidden merchandise and picked up a few more. With the lines still halfway down the hall, I succumbed to blackmail. You could get in a shorter line at customer service if you applied for a Kohl’s card… I would do anything to get out of there ASAP.  We had a few issues and by the time we strolled out of the store, there was no line…and it was 4 AM… the regular line for early morning vs. late night Black Friday were forming…thankfully, we were headed to bed.

Oh, one other thing. When we were home waiting for Kohl’s to clear out, I checked walmart.com and was able to get my item at the sale price. I was only slightly annoyed with the hours we had wasted shopping, but then I remembered the thrill of the chase…Besides, I couldn’t park in a cart return on a normal day.

Summer List...

About four or five years ago, I had finally had it with all the time the kids were wasting during summer vacation. The older ones would sleep in until noon, waste two hours doing a ten-minute job, and then beg to hang out with friends or go back to their bedrooms to hibernate. Every morning I would labor over a huge list of tasks for me, then celebrate (and beat myself up) when I was able to cross off less than half every night before bed. 

My sweetie said I was list-obsessed and he’s right! One thing led to another and in our efforts to satisfy my list-o-mania and get the kids motivated at the same time, we developed the Summer List. We write the list on Memorial Day and then try to complete all tasks by Labor Day. We start with the youngest child and go around the room five times with each person adding something to the List. If you are counting, that gives us roughly 60 things to do during the three months of summer. (Except that my kids are on year-round so we really only have about 6 weeks of summer.) 

 

This year we got started a week late because half the family was across the state moving the Drama Queen home. So last night we cooked outside, snarfed down my sweetie’s best BBQ ribs, and then sat in a circle to compile 2011’s Summer List. Curly was so excited he was jumping up and down! "Camping!" was his first response. Obviously he enjoyed his first Fathers and Sons Campout even though it was cold and they were rained on all night. 

Scout quickly added "Swimming" to the List. She had clearly been thinking about it for a while. Sport added build a treehouse, Crafty wanted to have a picnic at a new park we have never visited before. The Prima Donna thought doing some Family History (i.e. scrapbooking) would be fun. Princess decided we need to watch all the Disney Princess movies (go figure…) and the Dog Walker wanted to finish his last ten Merit Badges. I voted for Iron Chef 2 (I guess I’ll have to tell you about the first one some time). My sweetie thought refinishing the hardwood floor would be a good idea…I know, but nothing can be vetoed if it hits the Summer List. The kids all know if it is too outrageous or costs too much, it just won’t get crossed off. Time to go around the circle again! 

Curly was still jumping up and down. "Camping!" he yelled. Finally we convinced him to choose something else…backyard camping…which is one of our favorite activities, complete with a sunrise breakfast prepared by my sweetie. Last year as a nod to our Danish ancestry we made Æbleskiver. Other things were added, movies and concerts in the park, wii tournament, zuzu pet show, paper airplane contest, backgammon and piano lessons, a Harry Potter Marathon…fix something in the yard (any guesses on who put that one on?). 

One of our favorite Summer List activities is a Book Club and we chose the book Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card. We also added lots of summer reading programs for the little kids. The hardest items on the list this year include a trip to Lagoon (a local amusement park) and all the stuff my sweetie put on the list. It’s a good thing we have my sweetie to help us with the Summer List. Otherwise we might just waste our whole summer.

**Editor's Note:  My family didn't get to add anything to the list yet so it is my turn.  I want to have another movie in the backyard.  And plant a bunch of trees, right across the back fence blocking the neighbors that stare like we are an exhibit at the zoo...  Don't forget to enter our Give Away.

The Festival

Since April is National Autism Awareness month, I wanted to share a little more about my Dog Walker just in case you weren’t aware that he is autistic. Sometimes I even forget he’s autistic and then there are other times…so yesterday he was participating in the Region Orchestra Festival. He plays the trumpet as part of our school’s symphony, getting up twice a week for class at 6:00 a.m. Now I am barely coherent that early (unless I’ve been up all night) and my sweetie takes him to school and then heads off to work. 

The Festival bus was scheduled to leave the school at 3:15. School gets out at 2:25 and we live less than a mile away. This is ample time for him to get home, have a snack, change into his concert attire, and get back to the high school in time to load the bus. It is NOT enough time for him to search through his entire bedroom and the pile of dirty laundry to FIND his concert attire. That’s why I had him gather all of his things including his black suit jacket and bow tie and place them on the pew in the living room (Editor's note* Yes, you read that right.  If you missed that story go here.). I figured that way he’d be able to come in the house, grab a snack, and change in a nice leisurely fashion. Things rarely work exactly the way I plan them. 

As I headed off to bed I checked the clothes and shoes in its haphazard pile, satisfied that it would ease the confusion and stress of the next day. Unfortunately, I didn’t guess that he would come back upstairs from his room and gather the whole works into a garbage bag. When my sweetie was ready to leave in the morning, the Dog Walker slung his backpack over one shoulder and the garbage bag over the other. "What are you doing?" he questioned. All he got back was "I have to take these to school." Not knowing any better, my sweetie shrugged and they headed off. 

One thing you have to understand about the Dog Walker is that he WILL NOT use a locker at school. That means this garbage bag full of his jacket and tie, a white button up shirt, black slacks and socks and his black dress shoes (that he walks around in…outside!) will be hanging out with him all day at every class and during lunch. When I hear the situation, I fire off a quick text, but he doesn’t answer me. Teach finally gets hold of him during his final class period. "I’ll pick you up," she texts. No point in him carrying all of the clothes back home again just so he can change. 

She shows up at the high school, but there are no signs of him so she heads home. About halfway there she spots him…without the bag of clothes. She rolls down the window and motions him over. At first he ignores her, but finally succumbs to her pleas and gets in the van. 

"Where are your clothes?" she asks. 

"At the school," he says.
 
"I thought you were going home to change," she says. 

"I can change at the school," he replies. 

By this point Teach is totally confused. "Then why are you going home?" she asks. 

"To get the truck," he says. 

"Why do you need the truck?" He looks at her like she is a total idiot. 

"So I don’t have to walk home from the school," he says matter-of-factly. She gets him home and he leaves in the truck. We hope he made it to the festival on time, but even if he misses the bus, he won’t have to walk home, he has the truck…and a change of clothes.

One Flu Over the Cookoo's Nest

You ever have one of those weeks when nothing goes the way you planned? So Monday was President’s Day and the kids were all home from school. My sweetie took a floating vacation day so he could spend the day with us. We had a terrific time! We went out to my favorite restaurant, Chick Fil A for free breakfast, then we spent the afternoon cleaning the church and playing basketball. After that we drove to Mt. Mike’s for pizza and Krispie Kremes for dessert. Then we all went home and watched a movie. It seemed like the perfect beginning for an amazing week. I couldn’t have been more wrong! 

On Tuesday, the Dog Walker woke up not feeling well. I told him to suck it up and I sent him to school. But after he left I started feeling guilty so I called and made him a doctor’s appointment. He’d been sick for quite a while, but mostly just a hacky cough and congestion. I convinced the doctor that he had a sinus infection and begged for a prescription. With a self-satisfied smile I drove to the pharmacy, assuming the worst was behind me. 

 Later that night, long after the little ones were sleeping and I had finally drug my own tired bones to bed, the lights in my room were abruptly switched on. Even without the light, the wailing was enough to wake the dead. In my somewhat confused, half-awake state and without my bifocals, I mostly recognized Sport. He was crying and complaining of a headache, a stomachache, you name it…if anything could ache, it did. First I sent him to the bathroom, then I had him take a shower. The fever started a couple of hours later and by the time the sun was up, it was pretty obvious that he was not going to school. My Dog Walker was also feeling bad, so he stayed in bed. A quick visit to the doctor later and Sport had a confirmed case of Influenza B. 

Now this seemed pretty unfair. Each and every year I line up all the kids, grownups and little ones, and I march them into the doctor’s office to get their annual flu shots. They grumble a little, but they all submit when I guilt them into it. You see, the baby is always too young for a flu shot and Sport is actually allergic to them (another time I’ll tell you that story). That leaves our ranks exposed, so the only thing we can do is circle the wagons and hope. This is the first time this strategy has not worked, and Sport was one sick little guy. When he wasn’t feverish and hallucinating, he was complaining about a headache and dizziness. 


The doctor put him on Tamiflu and called in prescriptions for everyone in the family, but the co-pay was $50.00 for EACH prescription! So we filled two of them and hunkered down, just waiting to see who would be the next victim. Turns out it was Baby Doll…and Curly…and Scout…and Prima Donna. I was awake most of the night with Sport on Tuesday night, then on Wednesday night when Baby Doll started running a fever, it felt like a medical ward off MASH as the sickees just kept coming in. 

Curly climbed in my bed first. He was hot and feverish and immediately curled up in a tiny ball. Half an hour later Scout crawled up next to him. She was also burning up. (Just for the record, she sprawls out on the bed even when she’s sick.) Prima Donna just didn’t bother to get up until 1:00 in the afternoon. So when they were finally awake and somewhat lucid, I lined them all up and gave them each a spoonful of Tamiflu (mixed with chocolate milk, of course). Unfortunately, that strategy didn’t work either, Teach woke up this morning with a fever and headache. If you don’t hear from me for a couple of days you’ll know why…but for right now, the only thing wrong with me is lack of sleep. That and the usual insanity plea.

Brush with Fame Sunday Style

Sundays are difficult at our house. Even though we have 1:00 church, we can’t manage to be on time. This past week was no exception. I told the kids early in the week that Sunday would be our brush with fame because I had heard that our favorite wide receiver in the NFL was blessing his baby in our church. They were all excited about that, but to me it only meant one thing…we’d better show up early! 

We called the times down the stairs starting with "Fifty minutes!" That meant our big white bus would leave for the church in 50 minutes (really it meant 55 since my sweetie always padded it by about 5 minutes). I pulled the baby’s dress on and snapped her little shirt. Would I remember to throw a sleeper in the diaper bag this week, just in case? (Of course not, but you don’t really want to hear about another blowout!) 

"Thirty-five minutes!" I threw my boots from the balcony to the entry way floor. "Does everybody know where their shoes are?" I called. I picked up the baby and headed down the stairs. Kids were running every which way in various stages of church attire. I didn’t see a single one that was completely ready. We also take Taco and Burrito (our 4 and 6-year-old grandsons) with us to church and they were running around with everyone else. I started slicing ham for some sandwiches. 

"Twenty minutes!" my sweetie called from the office. He was gathering the lesson for the 12-year-old class. I set the sandwich makings on the counter. "Lunch if you are hungry!" I called. Kids came running from all directions. I headed into the living room to put on my boots. 

"Five minutes!" I called as I handed the baby off to Crafty so she could strap her into the car seat. I pulled Curly’s shoes on and zipped his coat. It was snowing outside. Kids started heading out the door. After everyone was buckled in we set off. Apparently we weren’t the only ones expecting a celebrity today. It was still five minutes to one and the chapel was packed! My sweetie insisted we sit in the foyer until the song and prayer were over, then he and Sport went into the gym to set up more chairs. 

We enjoyed the baby blessing from the foyer as well. Then they opened up the big doors to the gym and additional seating. The kids tromped noisily to their seats as we grabbed a row near the three-point line. It wasn’t long before hot wheels cars were zooming noisily across the floor. I had Princess quickly gather them up and we handed out the crayons. My sweetie was near the center with Curly and Burrito on the outside. I was on the other end with Scout and Baby Doll. The others were lined up in between us. Curly and 4-year-old Burrito were making a huge ruckus! 

Santa at last years Christmas party.

Finally, I stood up and tripped over kids all the way to their end of the row. I pulled Curly into my lap. I had spotted someone famous! No, it wasn’t a famous football player; he was out in the hall with his sweet little baby. I tapped Burrito on the shoulder. "Look over there," I whispered. "Santa Claus comes to our church!" Sure enough, our good friend had not yet converted back to his shorter red beard. He spent his holidays dressing up as the jolly old elf and except that today he was in a shirt and tie instead of his red suit, he looked every bit the part. "You know he is watching you two to see if you are being naughty or nice." Santa smiled and winked at the boys. Burrito’s eyes grew large and he turned around in his chair and folded his arms. Our brush with fame was complete. I looked at the clock. "Fourteen minutes!" I shouted in my brain. Maybe I’d make it after all.