Moments in the NICU: Poop Rocket by Bossy

If you have ever changed a newborn, I am sure you are familiar with the dark, tarry first week poop. This story takes place when Skittles was still having this dark, sticky poop. He was on an angled warming bed with a short 3-inch plastic sides. The bed was at a 45-degree angle with a round 2-inch mattress. When the babies are on warming beds, they have a round pillow that supports their bodies and keeps their feet swaddled.

 
It was our first time meeting Natalie, who would become one of our regular daytime nurses. The first thing I noticed about Natalie was her cute scrubs. She had a wrap style top that I only ever saw her wear during our time in the NICU. Natalie came in to do our morning assessment and Skittles was under the bilirubin lights for his jaundice so my time to hold him was limited to 1 hour after his assessment. Skittles hated having his blood pressure taken; they would cuff his legs and so when they were listening to his heart and lungs he would scrunch up his body and work his way down to the bottom of the bed. This becomes important in understanding the improbability of later events.

Normally I would handle his regular cares (diaper change, temperature, and changing his pulse ox probe to the other foot), but this time, Natalie moved straight into changing his diaper. His little bum was at the bottom of the crib so the 3-inch plastic guard was protecting Natalie from any possible blow out. What happened next became legendary. Skittles had a small smear of poop in his otherwise very wet diaper. Natalie swiftly and skillfully switched out the messy diaper for a clean one and wiped his bottom. She lifted his bum for a final wipe and as she set his bottom back on the bed to close the diaper, he raised his bum up with his legs and let out the loudest, juiciest fart I have ever heard.  (Just so you know, that word is outlawed at my house.)

I watched in horror as a dark, tarry missile launched from his bum, clearing the pillow and plastic. Natalie saw it coming and took a step back so she was more than a foot away from the crib. The distance didn’t deter Skittles’s poop rocket. It hit her clean scrubs right next to the tied bow. Poop was all over the floor, crib, his name tag. Skittles grunted his evil laugh and fell promptly asleep. 

It took 2 nurses and a medical assistant to clean up the mess. Natalie had to borrow surgery scrubs for the rest of the day and Skittles was labelled a “Stimulated pooper” for the duration of his time in the NICU.  The following day he hit his dad with poop just after telling his dad the poop rocket story and he managed to hit me once too. Once we were home from the hospital, his pediatrician was able to explain how his rectum muscles were too tight, causing constipation and his ability to fire off poop rockets during diaper changes